On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name.
These are the words that I sang yesterday morning in church. These are the words that I've sung a hundred times without thinking twice. Except yesterday. Yesterday was different.
At Harvey Cedars this summer, we were told to have joy in everything. Really? Do I have to? Joy... in everything. That's a hard pill to swallow.
Joy in everything....
Things are rough in our house. We are going through a major trial which has definitely rocked our world. It's something so huge, that I really have a hard time wrapping my head around. I just cry instead. I cry and want to vomit. I have been so sick over this whole situation. Mike and I have recently said that if we were some ordinary couple and didn't have the love that we do, we would definitely be a divorce statistic. BUT, we do love each other and we have chosen a life together... rocky roads and all. I am so thankful for my husband. I am so thankful for his love. I am so thankful to our God for placing us together. No one could be a better match for me.
Have joy in everything.
Anyway, how do I have joy in the biggest trial? How do I have joy when I feel like our world is crashing down around us? How do I have joy when I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop? How do I have joy when I'm not sure if I have any joy left?
I'm struggling with having joy... and praising my God with all my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength. But yet, I seem to have a smidgen of joy. It definitely is not with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength... but it's there. It's a twinkle of joy. But I'm taking it and running. I have to. I have to take what little joy I can find and rely upon my Lord that He will take care of us. He will provide for us.
Deep down, I know this. Trying to live it is another thing. Trying to live joy in the midst of a trial is hard. Really hard.
But we have to do it. We have no choice. We will have joy. We will rejoice in the Lord... knowing that He knows what we need and will not give us more than we can handle.
He must have a lot of faith in us.
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