My grandmother passed away this morning. And honestly? I'm not sure how I feel about it. That may sound ridiculous being that I just lost a family member. But, really? That's how I feel.
Almost two weeks ago, I received a phone call telling me that my grandmother went into the hospital that morning (which, by the way was her 94th birthday) and things didn't look good. So I prayed. I prayed that God's will would be done and if she was supposed to leave this earth, I was ok with it. I just didn't want her to suffer. A week later, I received a phone call telling me that she had hours to live. Again, I had another conversation with God telling Him that I just didn't want her in pain. 6 days later, He finally took her home.
What a long... what a hard, long journey these days have been. I say that as a person who is 10 hours and 5 states away from all that has happened. You see, my grandparents moved after 60 years of living in the same house in Verona, New Jersey, to Maryville, TN. My uncle and aunt have been taking care of her and have sat with her the last two weeks. I am so thankful for them.
When I got the phone call this morning, I was slightly relieved that her struggle was over. She was a fighter. A true fighter. I began to cry, but stopped myself because I know those tears are selfish tears. I'm sad that my Grandmother is no longer breathing on earth, but I know that she is living in a far better place and she is whole again.
I wasn't sure how I would tell my children the news. So, I just decided to lay it out there and I'll have to answer whatever came my way. Ethan was the first one awake, so I sat on his bed and said "Great Grandma went to be with Jesus this morning." His reply? "So, she died?"
"Yes", I said. The following words caught me off guard, but were so comforting.. He said, "Oh, ok. She's in a much better place anyway. This is such a sinful world."
Oh. My. Word. My Ethan said those words...
Next, I went into Maya's room to wake her for the day and told her the news. Her response? She clapped and said "Yay! She's with Jesus now!"
I just cried.
She looked at me and told me it was ok. Mommy, it's ok.
Yes, Maya, I know it's ok.
I'm celebrating that my grandmother is in the presence of her savior. But, I'm sad that Adele Sunshine is no longer living with us here. Her memory will live on in her family and she will be missed. And for me? Her memory will live on in the Cinnamon Cookies at Christmas, the smell of crayons, every photograph that I take of my family and meals where multiple generations gather.
Those are the memories I will hold close to my heart. And I will remember her with love.
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Hi, my precious Jaimie.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay for you to cry (although I understand why you stopped yourself)...and to grieve. I'd love to hear (more) stories about your grandmother, if you want to share them. You know, I think it's about time for another coffee date.
Oh, and your kids are amazing..partly because I think God just made them that way, but also? They have some pretty awesome parents.
I love you.
Sarah took the words right out of my mouth.
ReplyDeleteHi Jamie, it's Jess here. I love how wise some little kids are! It's so neat! I'm sorry though, but it is better (for her) this way. Love you!
ReplyDeleteBeing one that is still going through this after my mother in law died last month, I can say the tears are ok. We are selfish as humans. My life won't be the same witout her just as yours won't be the same without your grandmother. I am so happy for both of them and know they wouldn't come back here even if they could but I am still in this selfish, human form and I feel cheated and feel like there is a big whole in our lives.
ReplyDeleteSo when you need a shoulder to cry on, I will be there crying with you.